In the past year I have begun, more and more, to look for meaning in the events of my life. Not that I never looked for meaning before this year, but as I grow older I am seeing God mold and shape my future before my very eyes. By God's mercy, having been stripped of much of the control that I thought I had over my life, I am finding more and more that I am the man in Proverbs 19:21 --"Many are the plans in a man's heart, but the counsel of the Lord, it will stand."
"But I tell you, in this you are not right, for God is greater than man. Why do you complain to him that he answers none of man's words? For God does speak - now one way, now another - though man may not percieve it. In a dream, in a vision of the night, when deep sleep falls on men as they slumber in their beds, he may speak in their ears and terrify them with warnings, to turn man from wrongdoing and keep him from pride, to preserve his soul from the pit, his life from perishing by the sword. Or a man may be chastened on a bed of pain with constant distress in his bones, so that his very being finds food repulsive and his soul loathes the choicest meal. His flesh wastes away to nothing, and his bones, once hidden, now stick out. His sould draws near to the pit, and his life to the messengers of death." -- Job 33:14-22.
I want to perceive when God speaks to me! The easiest way to do this is to be absorbed in His word. "But as for you, continue in what you have learned and have become convinced of, because you know the one from whom you learned it, and how from infancy you have known the holy Scriptures, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus. All Scripture is God-breathed and useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work." -- 2 Timothy 3:14-17. But like Elihu says, God may speak to us in many other ways. I want to listen to Him in quiet moments of prayer, in the counsel of others, in fellowship, and in my circumstances.
Here is a quick story of how God has shaped my last few weeks: interspersed will be some pictures of my trip to Ensenada, so that I won't have to put them all in my next post. :)
A few weeks ago I applied for a post-bachelor fellowship at the Institute for Health Metrics and Evaluation in Seattle. This is a program that would have paid me money to get a Master's degree in Public Health. As I was waiting to hear back about my application status, however, I was given the opportunity to go to Ensenada, Mexico to build houses with my church High School group. The catch? I would potentially be in Mexico without communication, just when I would need to be checking my emails.
Fortunately I made a quick inquiry at the Institute, and found that I could (probably) arrange for my status email to be sent a bit early. It was. I was given the age-old polite let-down, "we still think you have great talent, etc." I was disappointed, but the Mexico trip was a go, my future once again uncertain.
So I went on the trip. It was great, but sobering. We built houses for widows and poor families, we were confronted with a poverty that is essentially alien to Seattle, and we got to experience a much less materialistic culture. I played with little kids a lot. I even turned off my phone for the whole week and didn't have internet access: not to have to worry about my application status at all was nice. When I got back to the States, however, I was overjoyed to see that I had received a voicemail message from the human resources guy at the Seattle Biomedical Research Institute! He wanted to see if I would be available to interview for a postion as a Lab Technician in Patrick Duffy's Lab, doing research with Malaria. He had called me on Monday -- we had left on Sunday -- and I didn't get the message until Saturday.
So I called the hr guy back on Monday. He wasn't there. No biggie - I tried again on Tuesday... same thing. Then Wednesday, then Thursday. Finally, on Friday, I spoke with him, and he said that they were almost done with the hiring process for the position. If they had not filled the position by Friday afternoon or Monday, they would call me to schedule an interview.
Sooooooo...... I really don't know what God is doing with this. But I want to listen. I may get a call to interview when Monday rolls around, but I also may not. All I know is that if I had not been in Ensenada, I would have simply answered my phone and scheduled an interview. If God doesn't want me to work in a Malaria lab and doesn't want me to study International Health, what does He have in store for me?
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